Today is the day. I'm going to tell Justin... I can't. I never can. I'm too shy. Besides, he doesn't like me. He only see's me as another girl. I'm sitting on the couch, flipping through a BOP magazine when my phone vibrates. I pick it up and see that it's Justin. I answer it and hold it up to my ear.
Me: Hey Supa Sta...
Justin: Hey... Can I come over?
Me: Yea. My parent's aren't home. They won't be home till next week. It's their anniversary.
Justin: OK. Great. I have a feeling this is going to be a horrible week.
Me: OK. I'll be here.
Justin: OK... Oh, and wear something sexy...
Me: OK.
I hang up and sigh. In case you can't tell yet, me and Justin are friends with benefits. I like him more then a friend but he doesn't like me the same way. I wish he would. I go up to my room and go into my closet. I go over to the corner and grab my shoe box. I grab this from it:
Just another time BYAM - Polyvore and put it on. I leave my clothes on the floor and go into my bedroom, wrapping my pink blanket around me. Five minutes later, I hear three knocks on my window. I go over and open it. I help him in and feel his hands go automatically to my waist.
Justin: You look great.
He kisses me softly. That's how it always starts. He always says I look great. Then he pulls back and says "You want to go to the bed/couch/table/floor?"
Justin: You wanna go over to the bed?
What did I tell you?
Me: Sure.
He picks me up and carries me over to my bed. He lays me down and hovers over me. I wrap my legs around his waist, kissing Justin. Deep down inside of me, I wish he actually liked me, not for my body, but for me. His hands wander up and down my side. I feel his hands stop on my shoulders. His hands grab my straps and slip them to the sides. He pulls it down and until its all the way off then he undresses himself. He reaches for his pants and slips a condom out. He slips it on and then looks at me.
Justin: You ready?
Me: Yep.
He gets on top of me and slips it in me. I lean my head back and grip his shoulders. He starts off slow and goes faster. He does that all the time. He keeps going till he comes then takes a break, then the whole process starts all over again.
**1 hour later**
Justin's in the bathroom. This is his "break". I go down to the kitchen and grab a cup of water. I set it down on the counter and feel a single tear go down my cheek. I wipe it away and forget about it. I hear Justin come down so quickly drink the rest of my water. I put it in the sink and feel Justin's hands grab my waist. He spins me around and starts to kiss me. I need to tell him... I need to tell him...
Me: Justin...?
Justin: Yes?
Me: Want to go to the couch?
I'm such a coward.
Justin: Sure.
He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. We get halfway their when he stops and sits me down on our small, coffee table. He starts to pump me and I claw at his back. Why does he do this to me? Make me feel good when he doesn't love me? When he doesn't like me the way I like him? I start to cry a little and before I could wipe them away, Justin stops and pulls back.
Justin: Are you OK?
I don't say anything and just wipe away the tears.
Justin: Am I too big?
I laugh a little.
Me: No, your not too big.
Justin: Good.
He continues again. Does he like me? It's probably nothing.
**2 hours later**
I'm up in my room with Justin. He's passed out. His arms are wrapped around me and my head is on his chest. I trace Justin's abs. He moves and then his eye lids flutter open. He smiles and kisses my forehead.
Justin: Thanks.
Me: Its noth....
I stop and think back to an hour ago when we were having ssex. Did he remember to put a condom on?
Me: Justin... did you remember to put a condom on?
Justin: Umm... No. You should be fine. It was just that once.
Me: Your right. I'm being stupid.
It's not like that hasn't happened before. The first time we has ssex, he forgot to put a condom on but I was fine. I think he's done it 3 other times too, not counting this time. He lays back down, pulling me down with him.
Justin: Is it OK if I spend the night here tonight?
Me: It's OK with me.
My eye lids flutter shut, listening to the beating of Justin's heart.